About the Author

Wow, I really didn’t think anyone would click through! But you’re unpredictable, you’re a wildcard, and no one can contain you. Hell yeah, dude. Since you’re here, I’ll try to tell you interesting stuff, and make it worth the trip.

FUN FACTS :

1. I grew up in the desert of Southern California, out where the world is so desolate it looks like an alien planet. They filmed a bunch of old sci-fi movies and Star Trek episodes like 15 miles from my home! Wowzer!

2. Riley isn’t my given name, it’s a NOMB DAY PLOOM. Some other artist had my full exact birth name, so I had to pick something else. My “real” name is Michael, but I went by a lot of things growing up, including Charlie, Mike, Mikie, Chuck, and Chip (for reasons). But I’ve been going by Riley for half my life now, and it feels like my name.

NOT-SO-FUN FACTS (THAT END UP COOL ANYWAY) :

1. I was a super weird kid, and unpopular, and pretty dang poor, so I spent a lot of time by myself growing up, reading, drawing, and watching TV. Sad! BUT! That lonely childhood is almost certainly why I’m an artist today, so I wouldn’t change a bit of it, even if I could. With all that time I spent consuming massive amounts of media I learned a ton about art, and it made me want to make art of my own. Thanks weird, poor, lonely childhood! You rule!

2. I had a big existential crash-out at the tail-end of my twenties after almost dying. It was wild! I went into a depression spiral, and lost a bunch of friends, and actually gave up on being an artist. Bummer summer! BUT! It was actually a good thing in disguise, because for your life to change you have to make room, which means losing stuff along the way. It took a couple of years, but I re-built my life back piece by piece — got a better job, made new and better friends, met the dreamboat of a woman who became my partner, and started making the best art of my life. Hell yah.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS :

Name of Your First Pet : I had a rat named No Name! So cute :)
Street You Grew Up On : Tulip Avenue. It was a dirt road.
Mother’s Maiden Name : Henderson, of “The Hendersons”.
Social Security Number : 449-12-0073
Bank PIN : 7676 (spells PORN (dumb, I know, but I chose it as a 16yo)).
Blood Type : AB Negative.
Date of Birth : February 17th, 1983, 5:12am. Aquarius, bro.
Routing Number : 278832199
Favorite Color : Salmon Skin.
What The Fuck Are You Looking At : Nothin’ bro, chill out.
You Ever Watch THE WIRE : Yeah, that shit was crazy.
Favorite Album of 2009 : We Be Xuxa by Mika Miko.
Oh, You Like The Ramones, Huh? Name Three Songs : No.
How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before You Can Call Him A Man : It ain’t about “how many” bruv, it’s about distance. Have a motherfucker walk a mile in MY shoes and see if he’s a man or not.
This Joke is Pretty Thin Don’t You Think : Oh yeah, total waste.

HERE’S A POEM

digital creator

i wrote a poem so profound
that it makes the soul dance
and the spirit soar high above the clouds
and the id and superego fuck each other
on a pile of forgotten dreams
deep in the recesses
of the subconscious mind

and it’s available on my onlyfans
(but not on the wall, don’t be a cheapskate)

you can purchase it as a PPV .mp4 for only $22.95
(today only)

THAT WAS FUN

Thanks for stopping by! The first two sections were sincere, so I hope you enjoyed learning about me! And I think that poem’s pretty good. Thanks! bye!